I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
