I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
