My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
