i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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