Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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