Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
