my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
