There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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