i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
