You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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