i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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