I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
