I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
