i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're like the curious george of whores
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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