getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
