I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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