Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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