I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry my hands just texted you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
