I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Houston, we have a blender
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
