So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You pole danced in your parka.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
