this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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