That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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