that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
