Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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