I skipped work to stalk him.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All the doctor said was why
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
