chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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