Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
