hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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