i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
