i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
