YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
