remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
