Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
