I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
