she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
