I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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