she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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