when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
