he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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