I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's Friday. Sex?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I touched a dick in church today
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
