whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She needs sedatives and a leash
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
