Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
