It's like God shit irony all over that family
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
