What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
