My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
