The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
