i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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