i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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