We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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