I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
