The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this just has baby written all over it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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