your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
