You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize