I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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