rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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