Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
