I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
