i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
