Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
