The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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