i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sober January is a disaster.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
