yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
