I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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