It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
