My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
