just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
