either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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